what is YOUR mission?

I feel like this is a question we get asked a lot in our lives, and not just from the people around us. Oftentimes, it is just ourselves asking the question. Life seems to be one big mess of trying to find where you belong, where you fit in, and what your purpose is. Especially in high school, where cliques seem to be at every table of the lunch room, and every corner of every hallway.

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I've found myself worrying about this question a lot lately.

Like when I saw that one test grade in Algebra 2.

Or when I saw the way that one person in the hallway looked at me as if I was the literal scum of the Earth.

When I wonder what people think of me.

When I compare class ranks and GPAs.

Or when I wonder how I'm going to survive until Spring Break.

And then there is this other part of me that keeps urging myself to relax. To enjoy this life I've been given.

Like when I walk outside and the sky is so blue that I could just swim away into the infinity, and the sun is so warm that my skin just yearns to stop and let it all soak in. Or when I'm around my friends, and nothing can be heard except the painful exclamations that our stomachs hurt after laughing so hard, and for so long.

Sometimes, it's just hard to remember why we're here. Who we are. What is truly worth obsessing over.

But in those moments of forgetfulness ... in those moments where it seems like all we are doing is drowning in stress and homework and problems and feelings of inadequacy ... there is Someone who can help us get our head back above the water. There is Someone there to help us walk on water. To conquer the trials and difficulties life throws at us.

And that is the Savior.

In Matthew 14:27-31, it says:

²⁷ But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.
²⁸ And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
²⁹ And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
³⁰ But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
³¹ And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?

I love this. As soon as Peter began to sink, Jesus immediately caught him. He did not let Peter drown. And He will not let us drown either. God gave us His Son, so that we may return to live with them once more. He WANTS us to return. Impossible hardships will come, but with our Savior's help and Heavenly Father's direction, we can overcome those trials. Sometimes, it just takes putting all of our faith in Him. He wants us to be happy and become more like Him.

His plan for us is oh so beautiful and simple.

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So, with that, I'm still trying to find my niche. Sometimes, it feels like I'm not good at much of anything. I like playing instruments, but I'm not in band or orchestra. I love to sing, but I'm not in choir. I definitely love to draw, but I'm not in art club. Maybe I just need to go out and try new things. Pick up a Rubik's Cube and learn some algorithms. Go rock-climbing.

I just feel like little ol' me, though. But then I remind myself that some talents don't always seem huge, but they are just as important. They make me, me.

I'm a big empathizer. I understand people well, and I'm very good at being there for someone and just, well, listening. I love to express myself through writing, and I love expanding my knowledge through learning. One might even describe it as a thirst for knowledge. I love making friends and being social. I love making people smile. And I care, a lot.

They don't seem big, or impressive, but they are some of the things that make me who I am. Heck, I'm awkward. I'm a nerd. But I'm awesome. And so are you. You are an incredible human being, with worth beyond your comprehension. You might not know your full mission yet, but you will. Everything will happen in God's own timing. Be confident in knowing He is the one looking out for you :)

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I love this exercise, and I found it on this blog here. I definitely encourage ya'll to try it, too.

"Let’s start cataloging visual examples of what motivates and inspires and pleases your spirit/soul. Grab as many magazines or articles as you like. Start flipping. Tear out the images, letters, colors, words that FEEL LIKE YOU. Get a glue stick and a big poster board. Start gluing.

Everything on that board is YOU.
A mirror of your miraculousness…..your spirited soul.
The interesting bits about you.
The fuel to your fire.
Your interests and desires are worth celebrating + communicating.
They are important and compelling.
Simply because they are an extension of you.
And that is explanation enough."

Isn't that amazing? Now go try it!

the written word.

Image Source

Sometimes I find myself leaning into the radiant glow of my computer screen, or the yellowed pages of my favorite book, fully immersed in letters. Letters that take the shape of words. Words, that when combined with small, blank spaces, flow into long sentences. Or short ones. The magic is still the same. These sentences take the lovely shape of my seemingly indescribable happiness. They form into the dark, relentless jaws of my fears. They wrap around me in an encompassing hug, wiping away the tears and assuring me that "things will be okay."

These words find a way into my soul, where they make no haste in learning to expertly play the heartstrings of my heart. Almost as if it were predestined.

I cling to every word that, rather than escaping from rebellious lips, choose to break free from fingertips.

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In second grade, I tested out into the advanced reading program with a 12th-grade reading level. I read fast. I understood what I read.

And I always kept reading.

Perhaps I was born with a love for the written word. Or perhaps, I developed it through countless hours spent immersing myself in the cover of The Magic Treehouse or pouring over the pages of Harry Potter and finding refuge in the alternate worlds expertly crafted. Either way, I consider it a blessing nonetheless.

And yet, as I've gotten older, I'm finding it harder and harder to find time to just sit down in a cozy chair and open up a book and just read. I yearn for the chance to escape into the pages of another book, completely undisturbed by my surroundings. To be the girl walking down the hall clutching a big book to her chest. To be the student in the back of the class quoting Robert Frost or Dumbledore, depending on the mood she's in. I envy my younger brother in that aspect. He's still in middle school, and I often find him in bed with a book in his hands. Enjoy it while you still can ... I think during those quiet moments. It'll be gone soon.

Words make us feel something. I'm a firm believer in the collection of quotes. In fact, I even have a page devoted to collecting quotes here on my blog. Some people can say even the simplest things and turn them into eloquent poetry. Some people have a gift for personifying feelings and giving them tangible shape. I think John Green is definitely one of those people.

I remember reading both Paper Towns and Looking for Alaska last year. I remember gripping the closed books to my chest and just sobbing as I finished the last page. I remember the sadness yet infinite happiness as I soaked everything in. I remember discussing with my friend how infinite we both felt in those moments. I also remember wishing that one day, I would be able to write something like all the authors I've come to love. Something that would leave someone thinking. Something that would touch someone's heart, and maybe even leave a small footprint.

Like a song. Because with a song, no one knows how many different people got through hard times listening to those lyrics, clinging to every word. Or how many people made some of their favorite memories listening to them. Everyone interprets it differently, but to everyone it had a message. Often times, it helps me feel not so alone. Someone out there knows how I feel. They just put it into words and explain the things I cannot.

As Robert Frost once wrote, "A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness."

I want to inspire. Written words have always been there, especially when spoken words fail me and my mind goes blank.

I write because creating something that didn't exist before is as close to magic as I'll ever get, and that, in itself, makes me feel...

Infinite.

the secret to flawless beauty

I have recently discovered the secret to flawless beauty. This secret is worth more than the long-coveted Krabby Patty formula. It is worth more Van Gogh paintings, because it brings true, inner happiness. In fact, it is worth so much that I'm surprised I beat Indiana Jones to it. I just have to watch my back for any large boulders hurtling towards me.

As I touched on in any earlier post, perfectionism is a big goal in today's society. Commercials and billboards everywhere advertise laser-hair removal, makeup, plastic surgery, etc. All things that can get you one step closer to that Hollywood perfection. We have celebrity role-models who seem so flawless on the outside, but in reality, the pictures have been touched up with Photoshop among other things.

However, I realized that even in the church, perfectionism is a big thing to strive for. This perfectionism is a little different though, but often times it has the same effect. We are all living on this earth, trying to become more like Christ, who is perfect. Often times, we think we have to have this perfect family and perfect relationship with others, or else we will be judged or frowned upon by other members.

Did you know that in Utah, the percentage of women getting plastic surgery is the highest than in any other state? I read that recently, and if you'd like to read more about it, click here. Girls have so much pressure to just look the best, because they feel like if they don't, it can have a huge effect on finding a spouse and what not. It is what leads to things like bulimia and anorexia.

Now, I love Pinterest. In fact, I find it incredibly addicting. It's like a girl's Kryptonite.  We just have to pin everything. We want everything. And all the pictures on there ... the models look perfect! The makeup tips, how to expertly draw on eyeliner, the lush, golden, highlighted curls. Oh, but wait! We can't forget the amazing clothes that cost a ton of money but look absolutely fabulous on those models.

Link to source

Last year I was sucked into the Pinterest world, and it is hard for me to admit that. All I wanted was to change it up a bit. It was right before freshman year, so I thought ... might as well. It got so bad that it snowballed into the YouTube beauty guru world. I watched lots and lots of videos, whether it was makeup, hair, fashion, etc. And so did a lot of my friends, in fact, they still do. And the videos are fun to watch. It's like it attacks the part in a girl's mind that just loves crafty things, but never actually gets around to doing the craft itself.

Well, you probably get the point by now.

I, however, did not look like those models on the pictures. And the mirror liked to rub that fact in my face. As did all the girls on Instagram who seemed to look flawless, yet put on pounds of makeup everyday. And it bugged me. I kinda felt like a failure, which I know sounds dumb, but I did. Studies in fact, show that throughout the teenage years, a girl's self-confidence plummets. Thanks, media, I appreciate it.

What I didn't realize, however, was that true self-confidence didn't come from perfect hair or long, curled eyelashes. It came from understanding your divine nature and what exactly having the Light of Christ meant. It came from the gospel.

This article found here nails it. I especially love this quote.

I'm not saying wearing makeup is bad. In fact, I like it. I think it's the artist in me, but I really enjoy eye shadow. It kinda makes me feel like I'm painting [weird, I know, but hey, that's how I roll]. I'm just saying that it isn't the only important thing. Sure, makeup can be a confidence-booster. It makes me feel pretty, and if it makes you feel pretty, then go for it. But it shouldn't be the main focus, like last year when all I could do was watch YouTube videos on it. It's unhealthy and can be really degrading on the way you feel about yourself. Flawless beauty comes from accepting your flaws. No one is perfect. I mean, Beyonce is referred to as a queen by millions of people. And you know what? The acceptance of her flaws made her flawless.

I'm so thankful for the lessons I've had recently that have allowed me to understand more fully not only my worth, but who I am. 

President Ezra Taft Benson once said, "If we love God, do His will, and fear His judgement more than men's, we will have self-esteem." It is like a recipe for unlimited self-confidence. All we have to do is give God the ingredients, and He will make it happen. Fearing God doesn't mean being scared, it means RESPECTING Him. He loves us.

Work off of your strengths, not your weaknesses. Acknowledge your talents! We are all blessed with so many. Some we have discovered, and some we have yet to discover. 

We are all of great worth. President Gordon B. Hinckley once said, "You are creatures of divinity, limitless is your potential, magnificent is your future, IF you take control of it. You are daughters of God." Our happiness is our choice. We can change our inner mindset, and it will change outer things. I truly believe this. 

I'd just like to end with a few quotes at the bottom that I find extremely powerful. 

And that, my dear friends, is the secret to flawless beauty. But don't lock it away and hide it from others. Everyone deserves to be happy. And that Light of Christ that shines from our eyes ... THAT is inner beauty radiating from inside. 

Share it. 

"Happy girls are the prettiest." - Audrey Hepburn

Handout from Sugar Doodle

"You can't live your life worrying that the world is staring at you. When you let people's opinions make you self-conscious, you give away your power. The key to feeling [confident] is to always listen to your inner self ... [the real you]." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

"Young women, choose your clothing the way you would choose your friends ... in both cases choose that which improves you and would give you confidence standing in the presence of God." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

"Every young woman is a child of destiny and every adult woman a powerful force for good." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

"She said the loveliest women she had known had a glow of health, a warm personality, a love of learning, stability of character, and integrity. If we may add the sweet and gentle Spirit of the Lord carried by such a woman, then this describes the loveliness of women in any age or time, every element of which is emphasized in and attainable through the blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

"Young women, look into the mirror of eternity. Remember who you are! See yourself as our Heavenly Father sees you. You are elect. You are of noble birth. Don't compromise your divine inheritance. You were born to be a queen. Live so you are worth to enter the temple and their receive "all that [the] Father hath." Develop deep beauty. There is no more beautiful sight than a young woman who glows with the light of the Spirit, who is confident and courageous because she is virtuous." - Sister Elaine S. Dalton

I don't know about you, but I want to be like the young women they are describing.

personal progress: individual worth value project

In my church, the Young Women from ages 12-18 are encouraged to participate in a program called Personal Progress. The purpose of this program is to help teenage girls develop important values and attributes, and develop into intelligent, virtuous, confident women who are worthy to enter the temple. The values taught are supposed to aid us in building a family and accomplishing other life goals.

Link to source

The values are Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Knowledge, Choice & Accountability, Good Works, Integrity, and Virtue. For each of these values, we must complete six value experiences, so that we can learn and practice the values. Then, we have to plan and carry out a 10-hour value project for each value. After that is all done, we are rewarded with a beautiful Young Women medallion, among other things. It is something I dream of achieving. In a way, it is kind of similar to the Eagle Scout. Working on badges (or in this case, value experiences) and then a big Eagle project (eight 10-hour projects in total) at the end, resulting in an Eagle badge (YW Medallion).

I've been steadily trying to work on my Personal Progress since I was 12, and two days ago, when I created this blog, I had somewhat of an epiphany relating to my patriarchal blessing. I can't go into detail on that, but anyways, I realized later that I could use this as my 10-hour Individual Worth Value Project. This is what it says on the topic of this certain value project, which I was reading yesterday:

"You have a unique and divine mission to perform on the earth and have been blessed with talents to accomplish this mission. As you complete one of the following projects, you will witness the value and contribution of others and also see the influence you can have in the lives of others. Express your gratitude to those with whom you work, and record your experiences in your journal."

And then it hit me. I believe one of my talents is writing. I also believe that as I write this blog, I will be reflecting on the value and contribution that others have in my life. Also, the entire goal of my blog is basically trying to see if the things I write can influence the lives of others in a positive way. And on top of that, this is basically a journal, which I am recording my experiences in! It hit me so hard last night, and as crazy as it sounds, I actually think making this blog was something I was supposed to do.

So, that being said, I will no doubt have spent over 10 hours on this blog at some point. I'm really excited about this opportunity!

I also came across an amazing Mormon message from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf that further inspired me. He speaks so eloquently! I know that we can all create.